Here We Go Again!

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Yes that's right we are having another baby! Estimated due date at this stage is April 22nd. I know it's super early to be mentioning it (I'm about 5 weeks pregnant), but I had forgotten how nerve wracking and totally scary pregnancy can be.

I need some support. Want to be my cheer squad?

I'm pooping my pants that something will go wrong. Constantly worrying when I go to the toilet, every twinge/pain/cramp/spasm, I'm a ball of nerves.

Which is silly, I know. It's up to God/the universe/mother nature/whatever to decide. I really have no control.

Which is maybe why I'm struggling? The whole 'have no control' feeling. Typical worrier I am I can't stop with the 'what ifs'.

It took us about 6 cycles to fall with Malachi, and now, after not even actively trying to conceive (we were just taking it easy, letting the universe decide when would be the right time to have another baby) we are pregnant again.

Surely it can't be that easy? Have I been 'good' enough to deserve another baby? If I be the best Mum I can be to Master M, does that mean I get to have another baby?

I might be a ball of nerves, but for the moment I am pregnant and over the moon ♥

PS: If we are facebook friends *cough Loz* please don't mention anything on there. We are keeping things hush hush until at least a dating scan ♥

Dear Squirt

Dear Cute Little Baby

I'm sure it's not fun being all squished and cramped in my belly. But it's no fun for Mummy either when you kick her in the ribs..... constantly..... especially at night, when I'm trying to get to sleep.

If you could please find a new comfy position (and possibly even start to engage) Mummy would most appreciate it.

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Well I can't believe it but I can finally say I'm full term. Today (Tuesday) we're 37 + 2 and besides the constant rib kicks I spoke about above we are travelling along okay. I'm not sure whether it's because I'm on maternity leave and slowly going crazy but I have been super sad lately. I can't say I miss work, but there are certainly people there I miss, and I miss the adult conversation that goes along with working.

It's so hard being in a city where you don't really have too many friends. One of my friends is heavily pregnant and works Monday - Friday so of course she's busy hanging with her family on the weekend. I have two other friends who are pregnant and I am off to have coffee with this afternoon but I just miss some of my QLD friends.

The little fight I had with my sister the other night didn't help either. I know I should probably put in more effort but it's hard because they are just so different to me. I don't approve of their choices and frankly don't want to hear about it.... so what do you talk about then? The weather?

My family seem to think they can treat me like crap and I'll keep putting up with it. I guess I'm at that stage in life where I am trying to find my place in the world and thinking about what values I want to instill in our children and what I want our family to turn out like.

If my friends treated me the way my family has done in the past there is no way they would still be in my life. So why do I have to put up with it from my family??

A Hard Week

This week I have found out my not quite 15 yr old sister is pregnant. To say I'm disappointed and upset would be an under statement. They live in another state so I can't really help/do much from here. The most upsetting thing though is apparently she's excited about it. I don't think she realises babies are not little dolls you can dress up and hand back when they are crying/upset etc. Having a baby is a life time commitment.

Apparently the father is some 'one night stand' that'll 'be there for her' YEAH RIGHT!!! I just know now the life my sister will have if she has this baby. She probably won't finish yr 10 (baby is due in October) so will have a hard time finding a decent job having not completed yr 10 and having a small baby/child. She is very immature for her age (being the youngest of 3) and definitely lacks motivation. I honestly can't see her going back to school to finish year 11 and 12. Far out, so disappointed. I guess I was just waiting for the announcement considering my mother let her stay at a boyfriends place at 13..... but no they werent having sex right!? Some people are so naive.

I think it's especially upsetting as the husband and I planned our bub's and wanted to make sure we were as financially and emotionally ready as we could be before deciding to bring a baby into the world. My childhood wasn't the easiest or most enjoyable. We never went on holidays like other families did and that is something I don't want our bub's to experience. I'm not talking about a fantastic 5 star experience. Even something as fun and basic as camping for a week in the summer holidays.

My sister sent me a message saying ' Being pregnant and keeping it is all my choice. Mum is supporting my wishes like I thought you would. How would you feel if people were telling you to give up your baby. I don't care who supports me through this, but the people who do I know care and love me.'

I just don't know how to support her when I think it's selfish to bring a child into the world when you're not financially and emotionally ready. Growing up in a single parent household surviving week to week thanks to the government was not fun and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. So how do I support my sister when I think she's not making the best decision?

Squirt and I

Squirt at 22 Weeks

* Squirt weighs about 430 grams, measures just over 27 centimetres long from crown to heel.

* The lips are distinct and the eyes are formed, though the iris (the coloured part of the eye) still lacks pigment.

* The first signs of teeth appear in the form of tooth buds beneath the gum line

Mumma To Be

Loving

* feeling Squirt kicking and moving around

* my ever changing shape

* the excitement people get when they rub my belly

Loathing

* being woken up in the middle of the night with leg cramps

* itchy flaky belly skin

Bump Pics

The Nurse Turns Patient

Yes, I know. I have been extremely slack in the blogging department. But I have good reasons, promise.

Last week I managed to nearly faint while at work. It was so strange. I woke up feeling fine. Ate more breakfast than I normally do. Listened to ward handover at 7am, but by 740am I was dizzy, the world was spinning, my head was pounding (You know that awful blood pounding in your head noise). Well everyone kept asking if I was fine. I couldn't hide it much longer. I told them I wasn't. The next thing you know I have someone organising a wheelchair for me (Pushed by a cute wardsman as well) and I was off to emergency.

They stuck a cannula in a tiny wee vein on my hand and proceeded to try and suck out vials and vials of blood from it. It was taking FOREVER, my hand was numb and tingling as the tourniquet was on for so long. So in the end they had to stab me twice and take blood from my lovely large juicy cubital fossa vein which is where I told them to take blood from in the first place.

There was a plus side though. The ED doctor did a beside the bed ultrasound so we got to see Squirt again. I'm always so nervous before a scan but it was reassuring to see Squirt's big head again (Let's hope the head doesn't get too big!! DH has a BIG head) and we also saw the heart beating away and the arms and legs moving about. The lovely doctor even printed us a little picture, our first ever baby pic :-)

Yesterday was our first wedding anniversary and we spent three days down at the NSW south coast. It was so lovely to get away and relax. I finished reading a book while I was there (The Other Boleyn Girl, super super read) and also got three quarters of the way through my new one (The Choice by Nicholas Sparks).

I got burnt to a crisp on my shoulders and neck as I thought if you sat under a big umbrella at the beach with sunnies and a hat you didn't need sunscreen. Well now I know better that's for sure. Sleeping at night is even more of an effort as everytime I move the sheets scarpe on my sensitive burnt shoulders.

Well I didn't do a blog update last week about Squirt at 14 weeks but I did manage to take some belly pics (including some from NYE). Squirt turned 15 weeks yesterday on our anniversary and I've been able to feel bub's moving around now for about a week and it's the most amazing lovely feeling in the world. I feel so blessed to be Squirt's mumma.

What's Squirt Up to This Week - Week 15

* Squirt now weighs in at around 70 grams.

* Bub's is 11 centimetres long, crown to rump.

* Bub's legs are growing longer than the arms now.

* Squirt's fingernails are fully formed and all the joints and limbs can move.

Belly Pics

NYE 09 (13 wks + 4 days)

14 Weeks

15 Weeks

I think Squirt is packing on the weight.... do you?

Worry Wart?

Well I've just finished at the GP and he's given me Xmas day off. He wants me to have some bloods taken, just folate, iron and vitamin b12. I've also lost another 2 kgs. So 7kgs all up.

He also tried to listen to bub's heartbeat with a doppler and couldn't find it. He was scanning right near my pubic hair... I thought bub's at this stage (12 1/2weeks) would be up further? When I had my dating scan they scanned just below my belly button.

He said he's not concerned about not hearing the heartbeat as it's a bit hit and miss at this stage in terms of finding a heartbeat with a doppler. But he has me all worried now.

I'm still having pregnancy symptoms: sore veiny boobs, nausea, no bleeding, pregnancy pimples, a little bump. But now I'm worried and wish I had of told him not to scan with the doppler. I wish I could have a peek at bub's and make sure that they're okay. We don't have a scan now until the morphology scan which is just under 6 weeks away. I hope that time goes by quickly, but more than anything I hope Squirt was just being naughty and hiding from the doctor.

Hello 2nd Trimester

I can't believe we're in the 2nd trimester already. Or are we? One website says the 2nd trimester starts now, another says the 2nd trimester doesn't start until week 13 and a book I have says it doesn't start until week 14? Very odd indeed.

Time really has flown. I'm still having the occassional 'sick' day but no where near as frequently as in those first few weeks. I still haven't started to put on any of the 5kgs that I've lost, but I'm hoping that my appetite returns soon. DH is worried that I'm not putting on weight and asked whether we need another scan. I assured him that bub's is fine, it's my body that's being depleted of energy and nutrients :-)

So the name Squirt has stuck. DH was acually quite angry that someone told us about some sex connotation that can be associated with the word. We actually picked Squirt because it's that cute little turtles name in Nemo. Now he knows why you don't tell people some of the 'real' names you like, because they are bound to have an opinion or hate the name 'Bob' because 'there was a guy I went to school with who was called Bob and he was an X Y Z'. Honestly people, it's our child. We created bub's so it's our right to call him/her whatever we like. Whether it be a cute in utero name or a proper 'real life' name.

I can't believe it's nearly Christmas. I'm not at all excited about it this year. All our family are in QLD and I'm scheduled to work an evening shift on Christmas leaving darling husband twiddling his thumbs all evening. I've actually booked a doctors appoinment tomorrow to try and get a medical certificate for Christmas day off. I'm meant to be working on a ward that's quite physically heavy and I'm not willing to risk my health (or Squirt's) for the sake of a job. Plus I haven't been sleeping well lately. I'm constantly tired, so an extra day off won't hurt anyway. I think I may be getting another cold. My stupid nose is running like crazy and I'm sneezing a lot. I also feel I may have another UTI. GREAT!! More things to ask the GP about.

What's Squirt Up to This Week: Week 12

Squirt's face is beginning to look more human, even though she is only about 5.5cms long from her crown to her rump and weighs 14 grams. The eyes, which started out on the sides of the head, have moved closer together. The ears are almost in their normal position on the side of the head. The liver is making bile and the kidneys are secreting urine in the bladder.

My Symptoms:

* Extreme tiredness (I'm wondering if maybe I'm anaemic?)

* Awful skin (Thanks pregnancy hormones)

* My nipples are changing colour and looking pointy

* Food cravings. I'm currently craving sliced cheese. Can't get enough of it. Whether it's with rice crackers or by itself..... MMMM yumm!!! I've already gone through a 12pack. Must add that to tomorrow's shopping list.

Week 12 Belly Picture

Grumpy Pregnant Person

Well apparently, according to darling husband, I'm a grumpy pregnant person. Hmmf. He should try battling 24/7 sea sickness and dealing with rather large boobs that hurt like crazy. I told him once he's had constant nausea then he can lecture me. Until then...... ZIP IT!!

Last week we told close family members that we are pregnant. Mum burst into tears straight away and told me we've made her christmas and made her year. Im not an overly emotional person but nearly I was crying in the middle of Kmart when I could hear her crying. Mum and I arent super close but she's so so excited. She just kept saying "im going to be a grandma'.
I rang and told dad too (him and mum are divorced) and he's pretty excited. He's worried we won't cope financially etc but when I told him I get 18weeks paid maternity leave he kinda relaxed after that.

My sister rang the night I told mum (we haven't spoken in 2 months because she's a selfish cow, but thats a whole other story) and congratulated me on our pregnancy and acted like we were best friends. And then proceeded to tell me how her and mum were talking about whether DH and I are old enough/mature enough to have a baby. What The Hell!? As if it's any of their concern. I replied with 'well it's our choice and we thought through our decision financially/emotionally/career wise before we started trying for a baby'. Honestly, some people need to realise that somethings in life are not about them, ie our decision to have a baby.

Im also annoyed because DH's grandma told all the aunts and uncles that we are pregnant. We actually sent out a little note with the xmas cards telling people the news ourselves. Honestly, it's our news to share so people should respect that. DH think's im just being a grumpy pregnant person but I would rather hear from the people themselves then from a 3rd party. I know she's probably only excited but it's our first bubba and I would rather people hear it from us.

Well we're nearly 12 weeks pregnant but I still thought I'd do a little 11 week update:

What's Squirt Up to This Week: Week 11

Squirt now looks like a baby, with tiny but fully formed fingers and toes. As his body grows and becomes more developed and functional, he'll start twisting and turning like an acrobat, cushioned and protected by your amniotic fluid.

My Symptoms:

*I have to get up and go to the toilet once or twice a night this week. Never had to do that before. At least I go back to sleep quickly.

* I have to sleep on my side with a pillow between my legs. Anything else is too uncomfy.

*My belly is feeling a little firmer around my pubic bone. I think I read this might be the uterus moving up?

* My belly is looking hairy.... EWWW

* My breasts are looking veiner

11 Week Belly Picture

Happy 10 Week Birthday Squirt

Well much has happened since my last post including a few bouts of sickness, a few too many morning sickness chuck ups and a few too many kilos lost.

We had our dating scan on November 27th and all looked well with squirt. Dates were 2 days behind but we expected that... new EDD 4th July. We saw its little heart beating away at 167bpm and saw it moving its little legs too. Also saw the beginning of the umbilical cord. It was amazing. It's crazy how much they grow and achieve little milestones.

I have had tonsillitis and a headcold and a UTI in the space of 2 weeks. Just as I was getting over my tonsillitis this headcold appeared. I blame some sick person who sat next to me at the doctor's surgery Wednesday. GRRRR.

My poor nose is red raw from being blown so much. And the constant headache from blowing my nose is bloody annoying. All I've been taking is panadol but I think the worst is over now. (well fingers crossed anyway.)

So when I went and saw my GP Wednesday and he said I don't need the NT scan as I'm only 21 and DH 25 so our risk is low? Not sure if that's right or not? I was kind of hoping to have the scan before Xmas so then we could tell the rest of our family at Xmas time once we knew everything is okay with bubs.  
Now we won't get to see Squirt until the 18-20 week morphology scan (which will be around 10 weeks since our dating scan at 9 weeks).

I'm thinking this is a long time? Im probably just freaking out about nothing but I don't see the midwives until 18 weeks, its kind of like Im left on my own for 10 weeks with no scan, appointments etc. Hmmm 1st time mum freaking out here!

I have lost around 5 kgs in 2ish weeks which my doctor isn't concerned about. Funny thing is I think I look bigger in my 7 week belly shot than I do my 10 week one because I've lost my 'padding'  LOL.

What's Squirt Up to This Week: Week 10

Squirt is only about three centimetres long from crown to rump and weighs less than four grams. Even so, it's busily swallowing and kicking. Each day more minute details start to appear, such as fingernails and peach-fuzzy hair.

The vital organs -- the liver, kidneys, intestines, brain, and lungs -- are fully formed and functional, while the head is almost half the length of the entire body. The forehead temporarily bulges and sits high on the head, but later will change into a more human-like feature.

If you could take a look at your baby this week, you'd be able to see the clear outline of his spine. Spinal nerves stretch out from the spinal cord.

And finally: Here's some belly shots: 7 Weeks, 8 Weeks and 10 Weeks

 

 

 

6 Weeks Today Baby

WOW, 6 weeks today!! :-)
It's amazing how time goes by so quickly but drags at the same time. I am feeling less stressed of late, mainly thanks to my lovely husband. I've tried to tell him how I'm worried we'll lose the baby etc and he keeps saying 'well eat healthy and exercise and stress less & the rest is out of our hands'. And I guess I do need to remember that and just enjoy one day at a time.

Morning sickness is rearing it's ugly head, but I really don't mind. It's just a little reminder that I have a gorgeous little bubba growing inside me. I went to the GP yesterday and got referrals for blood tests and also a dating scan (at 11 weeks, which seems really late to me, considering you normally have a scan at 12 weeks???). I was going to get my blood tests done yesterday but didn't feel like being sucked dry by the pathology vampires so thought I'd go today. Only problem is I feel worse today HAHA. So think I'll just leave the bloods until my days off next week. Oh well looks like I'll be watching the OC today instead of running errands.

The in-laws are flying down from QLD tomorrow and it's going to take all our strength not to tell them we're pregnant (even though they'll probably guess as I won't be drinking wine). The GP said it's probably a bit early and I agree.
Not sure DH feels the same way but I said if anything were to happen and we lost the baby I just dont want them asking all the time how we feel, when it would be pretty obvious how we'd feel. We're just thinking positive and there isn't much more we can do. I keep telling baby I can't wait to meet them in July.

On a totally different note I nearly spewed this week when I was taking a nasal pack out of someone nose (all covered in blood and snot) so I had to tell the nurse I was working with that I just couldn't finish the dressing as I am pregnant and about to puke. WELL this lovely nurse is from the casual pool so totally won't tell anyone that I'm pregnant. And I left work the other day about 20 minutes early as I was finished all my work. Well this lovely nurse was back the next day & she said as I was leaving the other day two permenant nurses on my ward said to each other 'ooooooooo she's getting a bit of a tummy, do you think she's pregnant??!'

AH OH I'm only 6 weeks pregnant, lets hope my belly can hide until the 13 week mark. Either that or baby loves attention and wants everyone to know that I'm pregnant :-)

OH......MY.......GOODNESS!!!

It seems that we've finally done it. We are actually pregnant *insert scream here*
After my pity party post on October 16th it seems like the universe has listened and has given us our own little miracle to nourish and cherish.

We are so super excited (Darling husband more worried and anxious than excited.) I got home from work yesterday and still no AF so I thought I'd test (as I was sick of wasting pantyliners) and I saw those pretty pink lines. Im in such shock. We only BD'd once this cycle as I was away, and I was sure I was just wasting my last First Response test. But the 2nd line came up in less than 2 minutes!!

I rushed out yesterday and bought a little jump suit that says mummy + daddy = me.... and put the test in with it and wrapped it up in army wrapping paper!!! (The only wrapping paper we have in the whole house) LOL.
 
So I told DH last night and he was the typical boy, he just kept saying 'are you sure'! And to make it worse the POAS kinda fell inside the wrapping paper so it just looked like i'd given him some random baby suit LOL. I had to say.... ah there's more in there. I think it'll take him sometime to adjust to the whole idea (not being the most flexible person when it comes to change) But after I told him i was pregnant I went to get up and make a cup of tea and he said 'no i'll do that, you're in no state to be getting up ' And he's rubbing my belly and calling me mum so I think he's excited but worried at the same time.


Well I thought I'd let you know the symptoms I've had:

Increased CM. It actually made me wonder whether I'd actually O'd yet or not

REALLY sore nipples. I have a jumper on now and no bra because it's just killing me

And some nausea. I could only eat half my breakfast this morning.

And that's it. I still can't believe it. Im totally petrified and freaking out. But I'm sending positives vibes into the universe and praying that this little bundle will stick!!

I can't get in to see my GP until Wednesday, but Im not too worried. The 2nd line came up super dooper fast so Im pretty sure Im pregnant. Just need to get bloods etc taken.

AHHHHHHH I'm going to be a mummy in July 2010!!! SO SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!