Monday, February 15, 2010

Half Way!

Wow! 20 weeks yesterday. I can't believe I'm halfway through this pregnancy. Time really is flying. There's so many things I need to do: book glucose tolerance test, book pregnancy yoga, birthing/parenting classes, move into our new house, clean old rental. It's crazy how things can pile up.

I think I'm finding it difficult to get excited about having a son (I know, that sounds bloody ungrateful.) I guess part of it might be because the scanner was so hesitant when she announced the flavour (she said 'for some of the scan I thought boy and for then at times I thought girl.) Then bub's wasn't cooperating and she 'thought' she saw the testes etc I just worry that she rushed us at the end because it was taking too long.

I think if I knew 100% (or at least a little bit more definate than what the sonographer appeared) I could be excited and start buying all the lovely little boy things. But because she appeared to not really know I can't really get excited either way. It's honestly like we don't know what we're having gender wise but are now leaning more towards boy if that makes sense.

Part of me actually wanted/wants a boy because I grew up at home having 2 sisters (my 3 brothers lived with dad so only saw them at school holidays etc) and I know how bitchy we can be. So having a boy would be something new and exciting and it's like the husband and I are on even playing fields. He's never been a baby person and is freaking out about it etc. Where as I've always been around baby girls and thought "yep bub's is a girl I'll be okay at this" Now I think 'i know nothing about boys' EEKKKK!!

I guess this last 20 weeks I was thinking bubs was a girl and then to find out it's probably a boy I guess it's kinda thrown me a little. I spent months imagining what we'd call our daughter and what lovely girly things we'd do together as mumma and daughter that I've now got a new reality to think about. Not that we aren't happy that bub's is healthy it's just hard readjusting my thoughts to bub's is a boy. I know it's common for parents to feel this way. But it's so hard. I feel so awful.

20 Week Belly



***Amy*** said...

I don't think you should feel awful.

I longed for a girl with my pregnancy. I had three brothers, eight male cousins...and well, had never ever held a baby girl! My whole family, the entire way through my pregnancy, told me about how we had too many boys in the family and it was up to me to have a girl to even things out.

I was really devastated when I found out we were having a boy. It took me a good two weeks to adjust- including reading the book 'Raising Boys'- which taught me how special & rare well adjusted men are these days, and what a real blessing boys are.

I think you are brave for talking about your feelings on your blog. It took me a long time to stop feeling guilty about my disapointment. I guess rather than feeling resentful of my boy, I was instead grieving for the girl that I had already created in my head (does that make any sense??).

If you want to chat, I'm here....but you are going to be a great Mother