The Winter Blues

Well that's what I've decided to call it anyway. I have been lacking enthusiasm lately to sit down and update my blog. I'm not really sure why, considering I'm on maternity leave now and have some free time on my hands. I think it's all starting to get a little bit too much. My brain is hurting.

People keep asking me if I'm getting nervous or scared about labour and I honestly thought I was doing quite well. I am about half way through Juju Sundin and Sarah Murdoch's 'Birth Skills' book and like the concepts they talk about in the book. Like I said in a previous post I'm not stupid enough to think labour will be 'fun' and an easy task to accomplish. But at the end of the day the baby has to get out some how and it's up to me to get it out! But the more people ask me about it the more I start to doubt myself. I'm sure their intentions are good but it's putting all this pressure on me and really freaking me out.

I thought I'd try and get 'organised' and do some things to aid in the labour process. I had read about raspberry leaf tea and will get some of that from the healthfood store this weekend. I did also hear some mummas mention perineal massage. So thought I'd google it. And holy crap, I really wish I didn't! It's actually scared me a little about the labour process. I really really don't want to tear and understand that the massage may help this. But just reading it nearly had me hyperventilating. Now I'm unsure whether I should try it or maybe just do everything I can to avoid a tear (birth upright, avoid the epidural so I can feel when to push etc) I have no idea why it freaked me out so much. I did read it that perineal massage hurts and burns etc. Maybe that's whats scared me.

I had my midwife appointment last week. Bub's is head down and heading towards the light! Still not engaged yet but early days I know. I also had a breastfeeding class last week. It's nice to know what the 'ideal' breastfeeding experience should be (demand feeding as baby requires, at least for the first 6 weeks, at least 8 feeds a day etc). I'm just going in with an open mind and really hope I can breastfeed. I know it's best for bub's but at the end of the day my motto is healthy happy mum= healthy happy baby. It's definetly more involved than I thought. Not just put baby on the boob and all will be okay. It's definetly something I want to succeed at but understand that formula is not poision and if worse comes to worse I will formula feed bubs. I'm just hoping to breastfeed because the thought of sterilising bottles is not very appealing!

Well better go tidy up the place. I feel like since I'm on maternity leave now it's more my responsibility to have the house clean, have dinner cooked etc. I'm sure it's just my perception as hubby has said nothing of the sort. But I feel like if I do just have a 'relax' day and he comes home and it's not perfect than it's my fault, I'm not doing my 'job' as a wife. Silly I know. But that's my brain at the moment.

Belly Pics 

33 Weeks

33 Weeks

34 Weeks

34 Weeks

A Woman of Leisure

That will be me in less than a week WOO HOO!! Only 4 shifts to go and then maternity leave. Can you tell I'm really very excited :-)

We had our 2nd birth class last night which was nice. A mumma who gave birth the day before came and shared her story, and even bought the little guy along. 2.8kg of tiny bubba goodness. So darn cute. And he made this tiny little crying noise I don't really learn anything new from the classes (since I learnt most of it at uni) but I think its a definite eye opener for hubby.

Our cot and change table/drawers arrived yesterday. Stupid toys r us only have 1 delivery guy so he couldn't carry the stuff up the stairs so it's been dumped in our kitchen. Hubby had something cut out of his back the other day so he can't lift anything too heavy. So I lugged the cot up to baby's room this morning and we're setting it up tonight. We don't even have a mattress for it, but at least it's a start. I go through periods where I feel like birth is AGES away but then I realise I'll be 33 weeks pregnant on Sunday!

Bub's has been rolling now for quite a while instead of the kicks. But I think over the last week or so bubs might have turned head down (fingers crossed) as I have heaps more room up near my ribs, my belly feels soft up there now and the rolling feels different. That and the hiccups I feel are now in a different spot. I think bubba might be having a growth spurt because I'm hungrier than usual and sleepier than usual (though that could be just due to tossing and turning all night )

I have been thinking of labour a lot lately. Part of me has this 'can do' attitude where I truly believe I will be okay with the labour process. I am attending birth classes, I'm reading my calm birthing book and I've spoken of techniques to use with hubby so we're both on the same page. But then self doubt creeps in and I think 'who am I kidding? I can't DO labour!!' I guess the only thing I can do is think positively, arm myself with as much knowledge as possible and cross my fingers and toes that all goes well. I know labour is no walk in the park, but woman have been giving birth for many many years and if they can do it I can too :-)

32 Week Bump Pics

My 'basketball'

Today - 32 + 5

When it rains, it pours

For most of my pregnancy (except the first 14 weeks when I was spewing and spewing and spewing and lost 7kgs) I have felt great. Granted, I never really did get that 2nd trimester 'energy kick' I have heard so much about, but I have been loving my body and loving growing this little person.

But over the last week or so my body has been SCREAMING at me to slow down. It all began last Sunday when I ended up on the maternity ward. I thought about what I could do to ease the stress and decided to change my 12 hour shifts back to 8 hour shifts for the rest of my roster.

Then I found out last Tuesday that the left side of my pubic bone is sitting higher than my right so the physio pulled it and tried to drag it back to the same height as the right side. He tried 3 times and it's still out of wack. He's a good looking physio that used to work on my ward!!! I was so embarrased. I had on a hospital gown and just my knickers. At least I'm getting used to not having any dignity now. Preparing me for the embarassment that is labour. I was due to go back for more torture session today but I still have a cold and didn't really want to infect people with my germs so have had to reschedule.

I Went to my GP yesterday as I woke up with an awful pain in my right calf. Now I have had leg cramps before and have just massaged the spot and they normally go away. Well not this time. This one has decided to stick around. Just to be on the safe side I am off to have an expensive ultrasound of my leg this afternoon.

And if that wasn't enough my blood pressure is high and the doctor is worried about pre eclampsia. Only good thing is there was no protein in my urine, which is a good sign. Will just check my BP weekly until I see the midwife and see what they want to do in a couple of weeks. I have my fingers crossed that the pain in my calf turns out to be an extremely nasty cramp and that once I go on maternity leave (on the 21st May WOO HOO) my blood pressure returns to normal.

In other news our weekend was great. It was nice seeing the inlaws again and go out for a special dinner. They were super excited to see me pregnant and got to feel the baby move around a bit which was special. I was very sad to see them go yesterday. Makes me realise how lonely I am down here sometimes, with only DH and a few friends. Hopefully in a few years time we can move back to QLD and be a little bit closer to them. I think it's important for bub's to know his grandparents.

Well better go shave my legs for my ultrasound. Don't want to shock the sonographer with my gross hairy legs!

31 Week Bump