Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Feeling like shit

I've been feeling down lately and just not loving life.

Things are getting on top of me and I'm snapping over the silliest things.

I have no support network here.

My mother's group is falling apart and my marriage is slowly turning to shit.

I think I have PND and I feel like shit. I feel like a failure.

I've already been through depression, anxiety and PTSD in my teens and now this.

I just took that depression test on beyond blue and scored 20. I don't want to go through this again.

I feel stupid. I don't want to go to the GP and be told I'm failing.

I called hubby today and said I felt sad for no reason. I hate life at the moment and he didn't help at all.

Im sick of my baby crying and whinging.

I guess him only sleeping for an hour out of 12 will do that to a Mum.

I've been so grumpy and I even yelled at him.

Hubby was with me when I went through the depression and everything before and I don't know whether he could handle it again.

I know I need to get help. Thought of self harm are coming back and I don't know what to do.
SHIT!!!!

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That was my thinking yesterday. It's not quite as bad today.
The beautiful Amy wrote some very kind words to me. 

It was a kick in the arse and I've gotten the ball rolling.

I made an appointment with a new GP, as mine is away.

I rang work and asked if I could return earlier and also just one day a week at the moment.

My manager, who is a twit, is more than willing to accomodate me.

And for that I'm so very grateful.

I rang and spoke to someone from PANDA who was so kind and a massive help. She emailed me contact details for a few psychologists and spoke about getting a mental health plan in place.

I know I have a long way to go.

But I have everything crossed that I will win.

I will beat this.

I know I will.

So forgive my lack of blogging.

I've got to get myself happy and healthy again.
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