Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Feeling Shitty

Okay here goes, and I apologise it might seem a bit disjointed.

Master M is just over a month old and in the beginning things were going well. I had DH at home for just under 3 weeks so we were sharing the load, he was helping with the nappies, getting bubs to sleep etc.
Ever since he's been back at work things have been hard. M won't settle at times and just keeps crying and grunting. This morning he was awake at 615 just as DH was getting up and getting ready for work. I asked him to change him before he left but he didn't (he doesn't have a set start time at work, so changing a nappy wouldn't have made him late at all) . This morning M had been awake for over 4 hours and nothing I could do would get him to sleep. It got to a point that I yelled at him to shut up as I'd had enough.

I feel like such a bad Mum as I'm really not enjoying motherhood. I thought I'd love being a mother, and love being at home with my boy, but the truth is I really don't like it. I'm jealous of DH getting up and going to work. I want to go to work, I want 5 minutes without the baby. I want a few minutes without having him attached to me and having him needing me.
I'm just so sad at the moment and getting so frustrated at my baby. I also feel like I've brought this upon myself as I was the one wanting to have a baby so early and not DH.


Amy said...

You are not a bad mother. What you are feeling is completely normal. I felt the same in those first few months- it's hard and your baby doesn't give much back.

I know it doesn't help much, but it does get better. You'll figure out a routine, you'll get other Mum friends, your son will start smiling and talking and be more independent.

Hang in there, you are doing a great job!

Zoey said...

I agree with everything Amy said. The first few months are the hardest, but once they're over you suddenly realise how quickly it all went. It does get better, and easier, and funner.

You're doing a good job, promise.

Sarah said...

Thanks heaps ladies. I am glad to hear it does get better and that what I'm feeling is normal :-)